7 Warning Signs You Are Heading for a Relapse

The sad truth is that many people who try to recover from addiction to alcohol or drugs do not stay in recovery. Although relapse may be common, rarely does it occur without warning. There are usually significant behaviors that can signal that the recovering person is at high risk for relapse. It is critical for anyone in recovery to understand these warning signs.

How to Overcome the Tough Part in Early Recovery

If you’re new to recovery and wonder what it’s all about, or you are experiencing some uncertainty and discomfort and are afraid you may not make it, you’re not alone. The fact is that recovery, like treatment for addiction, is unique to each person. Some people say they go right back to their lives (minus the addictive behavior, of course) with no major problems, while others struggle mightily – especially during the first few weeks and months. There’s no straight-line path that every person follows. Still, you don’t have to eat yourself up with worry. Here are some things you can do to overcome the tough part in early recovery.

Aim to Keep Your Life Simple

There’s a good reason why addiction counselors recommend patients try to streamline their lives following treatment. You’re just coming off an intensive program to overcome addiction and are now trying to get your life back on track. A lot of things are going through your head as you navigate the daily stresses and challenges that life throws at you. It’s doubly hard for those new to recovery, since there are so many obvious reminders (triggers) and cravings to use.

One way to give yourself some help in early recovery is to try to maintain as simple a schedule as possible. Eliminate all complicated projects or stress-inducing activities. Of course, if you’re working and your boss gives you a tough assignment to complete, saying no really isn’t an option. Just do the best you can and don’t be afraid to ask for assistance. In this regard, you’re just like every other employee. If you need more resources or people to help get the job done, politely but firmly request it.

Keeping your life simple also means adhering to a 12-step group meeting rule of no major life changes during your first year of recovery. Major life changes include everything from getting married or divorced, changing residences (unless you need to in order to remove yourself from partners or friends that continue to use), quitting or changing jobs (unless absolutely necessary), deciding to have children, and so on. There will be ample time to make these major decisions when you are stronger in your recovery and more confident in your capabilities.

Keep it Green – Go to 12-Step Meetings

Speaking of 12-step meetings, you need to go to them as often as you can. Here’s another so-called 12-step rule, one called “Keeping it Green.” This refers to newcomers (those new to recovery) being required to attend 90 meetings in 90 days (“90 in 90”).

If you think this is impossible, take a moment to mull it over. When you’re in a time of crisis, such as you feel yourself about to relapse (slip), or you’ve just received an eviction notice, lost your job, or other major setback, you need the support and encouragement that’s only available to you through your 12-step sponsor and fellow group members.

There are meetings available morning, noon, and night somewhere in your community. You could attend three in a day when you need it most. You could also participate in meetings online or through teleconference. No matter where you are in the continental United States (and many foreign countries), there are meetings available for you to attend in one form or another.
With this easy accessibility in mind, it should be no problem for you to meet the 90 in 90 rule. Best of all, it’s an excellent way to overcome the tough part in early recovery.

Get a Sponsor

When you’re fresh out of treatment and start going to 12-step meetings, after a few times in attendance you should get a good idea of how the whole process works. Chances are that you were introduced to the concept during your addiction treatment, especially if you were in residential or intensive inpatient treatment. If you didn’t go through formal treatment but did it on your own or with the help of a private therapist, attending 12-step meetings may be new to you. You’ll soon get the rhythm of the sessions.

Finding someone you’d like to ask to be your sponsor doesn’t have to be an arduous task. Go to a few meetings and see who seems to be a natural leader. You’ll want to look at individuals who have been successfully in recovery for at least one year. It also helps if you admire the person or feel that you have a lot in common or that you can learn something from him or her. Of course, the person has to agree to be your sponsor. He or she may have too many current responsibilities to take you on or may welcome the opportunity to serve as your sponsor. In any case, if the first individual you approach can’t do it, try another one.

Why is a sponsor so important? This is the person you call first in a crisis. He or she is committed to helping you navigate the 12-step process, listening and offering nonjudgmental encouragement and support, and, in general, being available to you anytime. Where else can you find someone who can fill such a role? In fact, many people who are new to recovery say that their sponsor was a lifeline that helped them maintain their sobriety in times of crisis.

Mix it Up

Another technique to keeping yourself sane and on-track in your recovery is to mix up your meeting attendance. Try out several different meeting locations. You’ll get a feel for the different personalities and group energy and will undoubtedly find one or more groups that naturally appeal to you more.

Pick one to serve as your home meeting location, that is, the one meeting you commit to attending each week regardless of
any other meetings you choose to attend. Your home group is most likely the one where your sponsor is.

Mixing up meeting attendance helps keep things from getting boring. You don’t want to become immune to hearing the same stories from the same people. By going to different locations, even though others will be mixing it up as well, you’ll keep a fresh perspective and always find something new to learn. In addition, you’ll widen your circle of sober friends and acquaintances.

Be Vigilant About Your Needs

You can’t take on the world when you’re new to recovery. Along with keeping your life simple, attending 12-step meetings regularly, you also need to pay attention to your own needs. And you simply must be vigilant about taking care of what you need. This may include taking better care of yourself physically, since addiction often takes a tremendous toll on the human body. Emotional and spiritual components need attention as well, so be sure to get any additional counseling or therapy and soothe your spirit or get in touch with your higher power.

Avoid Reminders of Using

From your treatment days you know that you need to steer clear of all the old people, places and things that caused you to use. Your life is totally different now, from the standpoint that you have made a sincere commitment to being clean and sober. If you try to maintain friendships with those who continue to drink, do drugs, or engage in other addictive behaviors, you’ll soon realize that you have nothing in common with the majority of them. These people whom you thought you knew so well and who supposedly knew you so well, no longer have anything of value to offer you in recovery.

Anyone who’s tried to drink soda at a bar while their friends get progressively loaded or stoned can attest to the fact that, once you’ve adopted a clean and sober lifestyle with conviction, being around falling-down drunks just isn’t that appealing.

Of course, it’s going to be tough to part with some of these old friendships or to break long-standing patterns of hanging out at the tavern with co-workers after work. You can either be upfront about it and say that you’re in recovery and choose not to drink, or you can politely excuse yourself and say you have other obligations. Honesty is the best policy, but it’s really up to you how you’re able to remove yourself from the presence of these triggers.

And, if you continue to hang out with others who engage in addictive behavior, there may soon come a time when you say, “What the heck? Give me a drink.” Before you know it, you’ve relapsed. Why take the chance? Early recovery is just too soon to put yourself in such jeopardy.

You Need Time to Sort Things Out

Early recovery is an opportunity for you to start fresh in your clean and sober lifestyle. This entails a lot of work, however, and to accomplish this means you need time to be able to sort things out. There’s the whole 12-step process that you need to start working. Your 12-step work will involve a lot of self-inventory and coming to grips with some painful issues and feelings that
you’d rather not address – but must.

Everything is excruciatingly real in early recovery, according to those who’ve made it through the first year and are solid in their recovery efforts. Feelings come and go rapidly and without warning in your first few months. You need time to how to feel, how to identify the feelings you have and how to process them in the appropriate manner. For some, and for a period of time, this may involve a daily and/or minute-by-minute struggle.

It’s also not uncommon for those in early recovery to experience periods of forgetfulness or problems with memory. You may find it hard to concentrate, especially if you used to smoke a lot of marijuana. It takes time for memory and cognitive function to come back, so be patient.

When issues come up about your disease, bring it up in therapy and your 12-step group meetings.

Panic Attacks

Don’t think you’re going crazy if you have panic attacks. These are common for many in recovery. They usually come and go quickly enough, however. It’s really a case of your disease messing with you, letting you know that it’s still something you need to recognize. How should you deal with panic attacks? Some in recovery recommend you commit to your higher power and just ride it out. If you don’t believe in a higher power, believe in your own ability to choose the right path. You should also discuss panic attacks with your therapist and your 12-step sponsor or other close allies in the 12-step meetings.

Cravings Out of the Blue

Just as you never know when or if you’ll get a panic attack, you can’t predict when cravings will resurface. You expect they’ll plague you in early recovery, and they often do, to one extent or another. What you may not expect is that cravings and urges can surface years into your successful recovery.

The fact that you have cravings shouldn’t be cause for concern. It’s what you do about them that matters. Along with your other coping mechanisms and techniques that you learned during treatment or through your participation in 12-step meetings, here’s another tip that may help: Say the Serenity Prayer over and over in your mind while you take in deep and cleansing breaths.
It’s often said that if you can make it through 20 minutes (about the length of time cravings last), you’ll be fine. Distract yourself with games, reading, chores, physical labor, sports, and recreational pursuits, calling a friend or your sponsor, or prayer. You can even do counting exercises or physical arrangement of items. Check the clock and time how long the cravings last. This will give you a good idea of how much time you need to allocate for your coping strategies to work.

Get Your Chips for Milestones

One way to overcome the tough part of early recovery is to actively work toward the achievement of your milestones. In the 12-step meetings, anniversaries and milestones are a really big thing, celebrated by the awarding of plastic chips for 24 hours, 30 days, 60 days, and 90 days. At the one-year milestone, you receive a bronze metal coin. Most people in recovery look on the first-year anniversary as the time when their lives truly begin to take form – as well as productive shape. It’s a celebration of the hard work it took them to get to this point in their recovery, and an acknowledgement and recognition of their achievement in creating a solid foundation of recovery.

How Long Will the Tough Part Last?

The most painful and uncertain parts of early recovery may last a few weeks or months for some, while others may experience rough patches for the greater part of the first year. You have to physically and emotionally walk through your pain in order to get to the other side. Again, there is no hard and fast timetable that you can point to and figure that if you’ve made it to this point, you’re out of the tough parts forever. It simply doesn’t work that way. Ditto the fact that you can be in successful recovery for years and some crisis will occur that threatens to derail you.

Keep in mind that your 12-step sponsor and fellow group members are always there for you. They are constant and reassuring presences that only want to help you maintain your sobriety even as they maintain their own.

After you’ve been in successful recovery for at least a year and feel confident in your recovery capabilities, you may wish to sponsor a newcomer or lead a meeting. You will definitely be ready to share your story. And that’s what successful recovery really is. When you are committed to helping others in sobriety as you have been helped, that’s the best of all possible outcomes.

How to Prevent Relapse after the Loss of Your Partner

Everything was going great in your recovery – and then the unthinkable happened. You lost your partner, the closest one to you in the world, and suddenly everything changes. Myriad thoughts run through your head, allowing no rest, no surcease from the pain. You just want to crawl in a hole and die yourself. Maybe then it won’t hurt so badly. Lifting your head, you spy a magazine ad (or a TV commercial) for Absolut vodka. Your mind starts working. Maybe just a few drinks, you tell yourself – just to ease the pain. Stop. Before you take that first step into relapse, do yourself a favor and try something different.

Common Pitfalls in Recovery and How to Avoid Them

If you’ve been in treatment for addiction, you’ve probably heard the comment that recovery isn’t a straight-line process. In fact, recovery sometimes seems like a journey of two steps forward and one step back before any significant progress occurs. While that’s not always true, it does happen often enough that recovery proves difficult for many who are trying to create their new life of sobriety. Here are some of the most common pitfalls in recovery – and how to avoid them.

Cravings and Urges, Anxiety and Depression

More than any other pitfall, cravings and urges prove to be the most powerful cause of relapse. This is especially true for those in early recovery who haven’t yet had enough experience in utilizing the coping skills they learned during treatment. For individuals with co-occurring substance use and mental health disorder, the anxiety and/or depression that go along with the cravings and urges is sometimes more than they can handle on their own.

Some addictions are so powerful that no amount of self-talk, self-help or coping skills alone is enough to overcome them. For these, it may take a combination of medication-assisted therapy, counseling, and self-help groups to get the addict firmly on the road to recovery.

If you are having problems with cravings and urges, the first step is to talk with your counselor or therapist, if you still have one as part of your treatment plan of continuing care or aftercare. Your attending physician may need to prescribe some form of medication to help eliminate or reduce the cravings, or help with the anxiety and depression that often accompanies them. If you are prescribed the medication, it’s important to give it time to work. Some medications, particularly antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, take about 4 to 6 weeks to begin to work. If you stop taking them because you don’t feel they’re working, your symptoms will roar back even stronger. That’s decidedly the wrong approach to take. Definitely speak with your doctor to let him know what’s going on, though, since there is no single dose or medication that works for everyone. Often the medication dose or type needs to be adjusted or changed. Unfortunately, this does take time, but the results (less cravings, anxiety and depression) will be worth it.

The whole point of taking medication to help with cravings and urges, anxiety and depression, is to get you to the point where you are more practiced in utilizing your coping skills and have a little more time under your belt being clean and sober.
Of course, continued participation in your 12-step groups (Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and so on) will help strengthen your commitment to sobriety, and the ongoing encouragement and support will prove invaluable in your ongoing clean and sober lifestyle.

The Lure of Old Friends

Let’s face it: It’s sometimes lonely when you’re newly clean and sober. You don’t know where to turn, since all the things you used to enjoy doing and the people you once hung out with are, for the most part, off-limits now. Another huge pitfall is when those newly recovered attempt to go back and pick up with their old friendships – including those who continue to use. This is a trap of the first magnitude.

First of all, you don’t have the slightest likelihood of being able to resist the temptation to go along with the group when they order rounds of drinks. The old, “I’ll just have tonic (or coffee)” won’t cut it. Sure, you may start along this road, but by the time the gang gets into their second or third round of drinks, you’ll be bending your elbow with your own shot – and be right back into your addiction. And, don’t kid yourself that you can have just one. Booze (or drugs, or gambling, or sexual compulsion, etc.) is like a poison to you. There simply is no such thing as just a little and being able to handle it. The only solution is to go cold turkey and never touch it again.

Frankly, this also applies to seeing those old friends. You’ll just have to let them go. Find some new friends – and make sure that they are non-drinkers or non-users of any kind. Yes, this is a huge adjustment. No one said it was going to be easy. If it were so easy, there wouldn’t be any persons in recovery slipping into relapse.

Finding new friends isn’t the difficult proposition you may think. Figure out what you like to do – or did like to do before you became a slave to your addiction. Join a group that engages in that type of activity. It may be cross-country skiing, whitewater rafting, photography, ceramics-making, woodworking, stamp collecting, or a reading group – whatever. Your shared interest will form the basis for conversation, certainly enough to get you going on making a new acquaintance. And that acquaintance may lead to a sound friendship. You’re well on your way to finding new friends and a healthier lifestyle.

Life is Boring

A common complaint – and a frequently-cited pitfall – is that life seems boring and dull without the stimulation of alcohol, drugs, or other addictive behavior. Yes, it would seem that way if all you concentrate on is the party-hearty feeling you used to get when you were high. But, isn’t it also true that you had to use more and more often in order to achieve that high? And that downward spiral led you to your addiction – and, ultimately to the point where you made the genuine commitment to become clean and sober. You were tired and sick to death of what was happening to you as a result of your addiction. Beset by physical, psychological, social and a host of other problems, once you hit rock bottom, there was only one route that made sense: to get treatment.

So, understandably, now that you’re in recovery, you may experience some days where it seems like you’re only doing repetitive, going-through-the-motions actions. It will take a while before what you need to do to maintain your sobriety, such as making and adhering to daily schedules, going to 12-step meetings, seeing your counselor, paying attention to you nutritional and physical well-being, will become second nature. The truth is that the longer you are in recovery, the more attractive the clear and level-headed focus you have will become. You will be able to see, smell, hear, and taste life’s richness to an extent you haven’t in a long time – if ever. You’ll be able to remember what you said and did – no more blackouts and difficulty concentrating. Your short-term memory will improve, as will your overall ability to function in an optimum manner. Think of it as your body (and your mind) springing back to life. 

Avoid the pitfall of seeing life as boring and dull by deliberately adding new elements to your daily repertoire. Figure out a goal that is really desirable to you and put this into your recovery plan. Having goals is what makes life worthwhile. The pursuit of those goals involves a forward momentum that is, in itself, positive and self-fulfilling. So, put some new goals on your list – and make some of them short-term and some long-term. Once you achieve a goal, move on to the next one. As you progress further in your recovery, more opportunities – and more goals – will become available. Seize them and keep moving forward.

Loss of Family

For some in recovery, there’s no family to go back to. Either the relationships were so damaged by the addict’s behavior, or some other reason caused the severance of the bond. In any event, when the family is not available to the individual in recovery, it makes it very difficult for the person to find the necessary support and encouragement to continue living a clean and sober lifestyle.

While family is the most important source of encouragement and support to the newly recovered, it isn’t the only one. Trusted, close friends can also serve as this support lifeline, as can a member of the clergy, family doctor, or counselor. For many in recovery, however, 12-step groups serve as their surrogate family. The benefit of participation in 12-step groups has already been mentioned, but it’s worth noting here that your 12-step sponsor and fellow group members are always there for you – just as your family would be if they were around. Like a strong and loving family, 12-step group members are non-judgmental and only want to offer you the kind of support and encouragement you need.

In fact, they’re probably even more understanding than family members. That’s because they know exactly what you’re going through, having been through the rigors of early recovery and suffering their own cravings and urges and overcoming other pitfalls that threatened relapse. They will be able to offer you ideas and solutions that worked for them and that may be able to help you. You will be assured of always having a kind and understanding ear from your 12-step sponsor, no matter what time of the day or night you need assistance.

Avoid the pitfall of feeling sorry for yourself because you don’t have the readily available support from your family by seeking the kinship of others in recovery in 12-step groups.

Loss of Job

If you lost your job, or it’s no longer available for you to go back to, this could be a major pitfall that threatens relapse. Economic hardship due to loss of income from a job is a contributing factor to many failed attempts at sobriety.

One thing is certain: You can’t sit at home and feel sorry for yourself or think that no one will hire an ex-junkie or alcoholic in recovery. That’s simply not true. But no one will hire you if you don’t get out there and look for a job. Granted, it will take some doing, especially if your former actions pre-treatment landed you in a lot of trouble. You may have done some jail time for embezzling or theft, or made colossal errors in judgment at work, embarrassed co-workers or your boss. Some of this may be repairable, if you go to see your former employer and present your case. You need to demonstrate that you are now clean and sober, have made a commitment to remaining so, are attending 12-step meetings and vow to do everything you can to regain your employer’s trust. Maybe they’ll take you back. If they aren’t ready to do that, ask that they at least give you a decent recommendation as you search for new employment. That’s not too much to ask, and they may very well be glad to agree to it.
You may need training to enter a new field, or to advance in the one where you were once employed. Use job-training fairs and workshops offered through your 12-step group to see what’s available. Sign up for skills training, or take courses at community colleges, universities or get involved in an apprenticeship. Many alumni of 12-step groups participate in skills workshops or job fairs and offer assistance in job placement. These are excellent resources that are readily available to you. Take advantage of them.

Recognize as well that it may take some time for you to regain the income level you once had. It’s also possible that you may not get back to that level – and that’s okay, too. Instead of beating yourself up over your perceived lack of financial gain, acknowledge that you are building your foundation for a solid and clear-headed future – one that’s clean and sober. You will attain financial responsibility again, given diligence and commitment. It may not be the top of the financial heap, but you won’t have the same stressors and problems you once had either. On the other hand, you may surpass your wildest dreams, enter a new career and find yourself richer (financially and other ways as well) than before.

No One Loves Me

While you were in the depths of your addiction, you may have done some pretty despicable things. One of the consequences of your actions may have been the loss of your spouse or loved one. Such a loss is devastating to the person in recovery who depends so much on the unconditional love and support from those closest to him or her. Wallowing in the self-piteous state of “no one loves me” is a pitfall that, while not easy, can be avoided.

You have to move on. It’s as simple and as brutally honest as that. Sure, your loved one may come back to you at some point in time. But you can’t pine over it and you definitely can’t expect it. Neither can you demand it. Showing up at your loved one’s door won’t do anything but alienate him or her. In this case, time is going to be your ally. You need time to get over your feelings for this person and to hopefully make room in your life for someone new. Even if your loved one does forgive you and want to have you come back, it will necessarily involve a significant amount of time – time during which you will need to demonstrate your newly-achieved sense of responsibility, commitment, and sobriety.

Saying that you need time is only recognition of reality. It doesn’t mean that you need to sit at home companionless. By all means, go out and meet new people. As previously mentioned, you will make new acquaintances when you join groups to pursue similar interests or hobbies or sports or entertainment activities. Some of these individuals may become close friends and, possibly, more than that.

Instead of thinking that no one loves you, think about becoming a more loveable person. Change the inner you to reflect your new and healthier lifestyle. Adopt a positive outlook on life. Believe that anything is possible – because it is. You don’t have any limits on what you can achieve or who you can become. Whatever you hold dearest to you – a loving family, close friends, being a true friend to others in need – is available to you.

Reach out. Extend yourself. Be someone who others can trust – and love. The rest will come naturally enough.

And Now – Go Out and Live

These are some of the common pitfalls in recovery – and how to avoid them. Are they a complete list? No, of course they aren’t. Recovery is unique to each individual, and every person has a different slant on the kinds of things that stand in their way of sustained sobriety.

The important point to remember is that recovery is achievable. It doesn’t matter the route it takes, whether you relapse once, or several times, or never. What does matter is that you take what works for you and continue to use it to avoid the pitfalls. If something doesn’t work quite well enough, see if you can modify it to make it work better. Discard methods that prove inadequate. And, keep on going.

Now, the best advice anyone can give is for you to utilize all your skills and techniques, embrace your new and positive outlook, and go out and live. Life in recovery is rich with possibilities. Go for it with gusto.
 

How to Build and Maintain a Solid Support System in Recovery

An estimated 20 million people are currently in recovery from addiction to alcohol and other drugs in the United States. They face myriad issues every day, any one of which can propel them headlong into relapse. Unfortunately, far too many of them will. Add to these numbers the estimated 22 million people who need treatment for addiction and the magnitude of the problem becomes even more significant. What can be done? Recovery experts say that building and maintaining a solid support system is crucial.

Make Plans for Your Future: An Important Step In Your Recovery

Recovery is a time for recognition. Acknowledge that you have achieved a significant milestone. Remind yourself of the hard work and determination that it took for you to reach this stage. But recovery can quickly become derailed if you fall back into your old ways, hang out with your old drinking/using friends, or have too much time on your hands with nothing to do. Once you’ve quit drinking and/or using, those big blocks of time that used to be taken up with self-destructive behavior now need to be filled with positive pursuits.

How to Banish Unwelcome Thoughts and Cravings

For those of you who think there’s nothing that can be done to rid yourselves of unwelcome thoughts and cravings – take heart. With a few simple tips and techniques – and a bit of practice – you can banish those devilish and determined invites to trouble each and every time.

1. Recognize it for what it is. – Before you can act to get rid of an unwelcome thought, desire or craving – to pick up a drink, to use, to gamble, or engage in any addictive behavior which has plagued you in the past – you need to recognize what’s happening. Acknowledge that what you are experiencing is a craving or desire to resume your additive behavior. Actually voice that acknowledgement, as in: “I know that what I am thinking is just a craving, a desire to go back to my addiction.” By voicing your recognition of the thought or craving, you are deflating its power. In essence, you are stopping it in its tracks, removing the forward momentum that, if left unchecked, could propel you into giving in. Once you recognize the thought/craving, you are ready to move on to the next step.

Avoid Situations Likely to Trigger Alcohol or Drug Use

Making the choice to avoid situations likely to lead you into trouble with alcohol or drug abuse is an excellent one. But it is also easier said than done. What can you really do to keep away from people and places that are filled with temptations and opportunity to fall back into your old ways? Here are some suggestions.