How to Get Past the Trap of Self-Loathing

Who in recovery from addiction doesn’t have skeletons in his or her closet – well, not actual skeletons, but actions, thoughts or words we now find repugnant, disgusting, disloyal, illegal, immoral and much more? The truth is that you can’t go through the horror of addiction, then treatment, and into recovery without facing squarely some of those memories you’d much rather forget. And facing them takes courage. Not facing them leaves you at a stalemate: not able to progress, but not yet sliding backward either. But how do you get past the trap of self-loathing? Is it just a matter of time, or are there specific things you can do?
 

Study Examines Key Factors That Can Lead to Opioid Addiction

An addiction to opioids – or painkillers – has been a troubling phenomenon for hundreds of years. One of the most puzzling aspects of this trend is not that an addiction develops, but that it only develops in certain individuals. Not all people who take an opioid painkiller will develop an addiction to the painkiller.

Alcoholics Have Significantly Lowered Gene Development Due to Heavy Drinking

Too much drinking can cause an array of symptoms that alcoholics are all too familiar with: mood changes, anger, aggression, depression, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, poor health—just to name a few. Now, researchers have pinpointed a specific gene that is damaged by chronic alcohol consumption, disruption which can attribute to long-term, adverse mental and physical conditions in alcoholics.

Take Bite-Sized Steps in Recovery

You’re out of treatment and about to begin your first few days and weeks of recovery. Now what? Just the prospect of being on your own again is both liberating and more than a bit scary. That’s perfectly understandable, since you’ve just left a structured environment where if you ever had a problem, there was always someone right there to assist you to get back on track. Now, however, it’s all about you. While early recovery can seem overwhelming, it certainly doesn’t have to be.
 

Addiction Recovery: Blame Is Not Healthy But Accepting Responsibility Is

Among the many things newcomers to recovery need to consider is how to best manage their sobriety. A lot of this has to do with attitude. You can have the right intention – to stay clean and sober – and still be defeated by outdated and misinformed ideas about addiction. One of the earliest to occur and biggest of these barriers to overcome is blame. The truth about effective addiction recovery is that blame is not healthy – but accepting responsibility is.

Blame is Counter-Productive

Think about all the statements you’ve ever heard people make where they assign blame to someone else for whatever the topic is at hand. They blame the policymakers in Congress and the President for the state of the economy, rising taxes, joblessness, national security, immigration policy, healthcare, Social Security, Medicare, and a host of other things. We blame our neighbors for their barking dogs, their ill-mannered kids, and their shoddy home maintenance that drives down the value of our homes. We blame our conniving co-workers for grabbing the plum assignments, our thieving company for not sharing profits or jacking up our healthcare premiums, deductibles, and co-pays. We blame and we blame and we blame. But blame doesn’t get us anywhere. Blame is just an exercise in futility, a way to vent that, in essence, is totally counter-productive.

The same holds true for addiction recovery. We can blame our parents for passing on the gene that makes us vulnerable to addiction to alcohol or certain drugs. We can blame our friends for leading us down the path to ruin by introducing us to cocaine or crystal meth or black tar heroin or prescription drugs to ease our various aches and pains or allow us to escape. We can blame ourselves for our cowardliness, our selfishness, our total lack of regard for the welfare of our loved ones. We can, and we often do.

But blame isn’t the answer. It never has been and it never will be. Instead of blame, what’s really more appropriate is a sense of personal responsibility. There’ll be more about that in a minute. First, let’s look more at where blame originates.

Blame is All in the Mind

People voice blame in their comments. But blame starts elsewhere. It begins in the mind. Blame is a clever way for people to divert their attention from what is real and needs attention. It allows them an escape route, a justifiable (in their minds) means of avoiding the truth. And the truth is always something too painful for them to readily accept, or something that they feel is out of their hands, or that they have no hope of resolving.

From this, it’s easy to see how blame gets in the way of effective recovery. When you allow blame to color your view of what’s possible, what, in the end, is ever possible? If you blame yourself for your failure to stay sober, your inability to stick to your word, your weak nature that propels you back into using – not only are you dead wrong, but you’re sabotaging your hopes of any lasting sobriety.

The mind is a very powerful tool. You can use your mind to aid in your recovery, or you can allow it to help you self-destruct in the quickest manner possible.

Blame is a Dead-End Street

Another point about blame is that it goes nowhere. Blame is a dead-end street. Once you or others start blaming for every thought, action, or result of inaction, there’s nothing that points to a need to do anything. You’re off the hook, neither being held accountable by yourself or others, nor required to do anything. How convenient, and how obviously germane to the subject of addiction recovery.

If you blame your parents for your alcoholism, it’s as if you’re giving yourself tacit permission to go on drinking. You’re saying, in essence, that it’s out of your hands entirely. You couldn’t stop biology, and this is the genetic hand you’ve been dealt. This gives you the excuse that you can keep on drinking, since nothing you do will change your heredity or your predisposition to addiction.

Guess what? You can do something about your addiction, whether you have a genetic component that makes you vulnerable or not. It does, however, require action on your part – and a lot of hard work. Part of the reason why people use blame is that they don’t want to face an uphill battle, especially if it involves overcoming addiction. Even if they do go through treatment, any little setback is conveniently excused by assigning blame.

The only way you’ll ever be successful in recovery is to do away with the blame game. It’s just not conducive to long-term sobriety.

How to Overcome the Tendency to Assign Blame

How you overcome the tendency to assign blame requires conscious effort and practice. Here are some tips:

• Learn how to identify blame statements. – Listen to the words that come out of your mouth. You’ll soon learn to identify those which are blame statements. They’ll be the ones that include phrases such as: “It’s all his/her/their fault,” or “She/he/they got us into this mess,” or “They’re the ones that drove down the economy,” and so on.

For a week, write down every statement you make – about anything – that is a blame complaint. Do this whenever you find yourself making the statement or at the end of the day, whichever is easier. Next to the blame statement, write down how you could have stated your concerns or made your case without assigning blame. To do this, you’ll have to think of viable alternatives. It could be anything from the point that consumers need to solidify in their efforts to oppose government intervention into areas that should be left to individuals or states, to the observation that no single person accounts for all the country’s ills.

You can see where this is going. Instead of blame, the statements are veering more toward responsibility. Responsibility implies action, and action allows for growth and change.

• Apply the same technique to your self-blame statements. – Now, catch yourself when you start thinking about your own situation and how you ascribe blame to yourself. Again, write down everything you remember thinking or saying where you’ve blamed others or yourself for your addiction.

These are your excuses that you’ve allowed yourself to perpetuate for perhaps many months and years. They’re also wrong and self-defeating. You may write, for example: “I’m a drunk because my parents were drunks.” While there is a strong genetic component in some family history that means some offspring have vulnerability toward alcoholism, it’s only one potential factor. It’s not a given. Not every child of alcoholic parents will become an alcoholic – although many may, given other factors, including environmental and peer influence. Here, you’re blaming your parents for the fact that you are an addict. Where is your personal responsibility?

Don’t worry, for now, about how to translate the self-blame statements into something more appropriate. It’s enough to become aware of them. If you do think of a better way to talk about your addiction, write these new thoughts down. You may, for example, come up with some good ideas that you hear from others in your 12-step group meetings or from discussions you have with your 12-step sponsor or your therapist. As you’ve undoubtedly learned during treatment, being aware of something is the prerequisite to making the conscious decision to change such thoughts and the resulting behaviors.

• Don’t allow others to blame, either. – As you become more aware of your and others’ tendency to assign blame, make it a practice to not allow blame statements to go unchallenged in conversations. This is not meant to suggest that you become argumentative, only that you learn how to veer conversations into a more productive vein.

How to Begin Accepting Responsibility

It’s one thing to say that you should stop using blame as an excuse and start being responsible for your own actions. Easier said than done, many would say – and they’d be right. You need to do more than tell yourself that you’re going to begin accepting responsibility – but it’s at least a start in the right direction. Acknowledge to yourself that, beginning now, you will make it a point to become responsible for what you say and do, and how you think about your role in your own recovery.

Perhaps it’s best to initiate this practice by starting small. In this regard, look at the big picture, but don’t try to carve off too much in the way of responsibility. If you take too much on your plate – whether it’s promising to do too much at work or home or school or for your own recovery goals – you’re setting yourself up for failure or disappointment and, you guessed it, another round of self-blame.

Addiction recovery experts often say that newcomers to recovery take bite-sized steps. Don’t make any major life changes during the first year. Tend to your recovery needs first and foremost. Allow yourself time to acclimate your daily routine to include your 12-step meeting attendance, doctor and therapist visits, and other critical appointments and recovery needs.
Although returning home after treatment is a very big deal, it’s best if you ease into it. Just because you’re back home doesn’t mean that you can or should expect yourself to figure out everything at once, to solve all the household or family problems, to be all things to all people. Again, this is setting you up for failure. You’re too raw, too new to recovery to be able to handle all that stress – without burying it under a mantle of blame.

Talk with your spouse or partner, your children, and any other adults living with you. Let them know that you have learned a lot about your addiction and will be putting into practice what you learned. Ask for their understanding, encouragement, and support as you begin this all-important early phase of recovery. Acknowledge that things will be a little different, as you attend to your recovery needs, but this does not in any way lessen your love for them – or your intention to be there for them now and in the future. By having this conversation, as many times as you need to, you’re setting the stage for expectations. You’re neither promising too much nor too little. In fact, you’re stating what is true and appropriate, given your situation.

In line with your personal responsibilities at home, beside those pertaining to your recovery – which has to be primary for you for now – you also have responsibilities to your spouse or partner, and your children. There are also your financial responsibilities, especially if you are the breadwinner. Take care that you don’t overwhelm yourself with assuming too much too soon.

How about at work or at school, as appropriate? You certainly have responsibilities there as well. After being in treatment for some period of time, you’d be understandably anxious about being gone for such an extended period. What have you missed in your absence? Have you lost your standing in school, jeopardized a scholarship, or failed a term? Have you suffered a demotion at work, missed key project deadlines, been assigned to lesser-important teams or have you lost your job? Take it easy. Don’t allow these consequences of your addiction to sideline your recovery. You need to take the long view. Accept that these things happened as a result of your addiction. You really need to take personal responsibility for your actions that resulted in these consequences. Don’t blame your addiction. Your addiction is a fact that you can’t change. But what you do about your addiction can and should change. You are not defined by your addiction. Your future is what you want to make it.

But a lot depends on you being able to squarely face your responsibilities and to create and adhere to your plan to do what you need to.

Many newcomers to recovery fear that returning to work will be a disaster. They feel ashamed, full of guilt and self-blame, awkward, inept, a failure, unable to fulfill commitments. One suggestion is to arrange a time to talk with your boss or immediate supervisor. He or she already knows that you were in treatment for addiction and is probably eager to see that you are well on the road to recovery. After all, you as an employee are important to the company’s success. Your boss wants you to succeed so the company will as well. Acknowledge his or her support of your recovery efforts. Commit to doing what it takes to continue your sobriety, including the fact that you will be regularly attending your 12-step meetings. Ask for patience and understanding as you gradually ramp up to speed in your projects. Any reasonable supervisor or boss will be receptive to this approach. Again, your contribution is valuable – and you need to be fully present in order to make a contribution.

It’s also a good idea to talk privately with your team or co-workers, particularly those that are important to your work responsibilities. You don’t need to go into detail about what happened during treatment. It’s sufficient to tell them that you’re better now and glad to be back. You could say that you welcome their ideas and appreciate their help as you get back up to speed on current and future tasks and projects. The specific words you use aren’t as important as the manner in which you deliver them. Portray a confident, self-assured attitude, but not one that’s cocky, or defiant, or groveling. Recognize that there may be some lingering feelings of resentment over having to pick up the slack caused by you not being there, but this should quickly pass as they see that you are, indeed, back on the team. Just take it slow. Don’t overpromise and under deliver. By promising too much too soon, you’ll become exhausted, out of sorts, agitated, nervous, depressed, anxious and – once again, prone to self-blame.

Take the Long View of Recovery

When you accept responsibility, it’s a healthy and productive sign that you are fully cognizant that recovery is very much what you make it. Keep in mind that recovery is a lifelong process from here on. You will always be in recovery, just as you will, as long as you continue breathing, be alive. Make your life the most productive, happy, and fulfilling as you can. Take the long view – and then challenges that surface today and tomorrow will be easier to overcome.

Most of all look at recovery as an opportunity to experience all the joy and riches life has to offer. These are likely things that you thought you didn’t deserve, or that you lost forever. But you not only deserve them, they are right here waiting for you. All you need to do is take it one step at a time. Be responsible. Be you. Be free to live your life in sobriety. Start today.

Amphetamine Abuse Can Cause Serious Damage to Aorta in Young People

Amphetamine abuse can lead to multiple serious mental and physical health risks, including chronic psychiatric problems, psychotic behavior, memory loss, mood disturbances, severe dental problems, malnutrition, and heart damage, such as rapid or irregular heartbeats. Recent clinical reports have found possible connections between amphetamine abuse and heart attack as well as aortic dissection.

How to Overcome Stagnation in Recovery for Addiction

When you find yourself at a plateau in recovery – not moving forward, but not losing any ground, either – you’re in a period of stagnation. For some in recovery, stagnation seems almost comfortable. The status quo is okay because they’re not using, so they’re semi-confident in their ability to maintain sobriety. But life is just, well, boring. There’s nothing that sparks any interest. Goals seem less enticing or even not worth pursuing. Why bother? If you can get by just doing what you’re doing – the bare minimum – isn’t that enough?
 

What to Say When You Have to Go to a 12-Step Meeting

If you’re in recovery, you know the importance of regularly attending your 12-step meetings. It’s something you first learned about and likely participated in during treatment – if you had formal treatment. If you never went to treatment, but are trying to maintain sobriety on your own, 12-step group meetings may be all you have. While it’s certainly not treatment, the benefits of 12-step group meetings can go a long way to helping you achieve your abstinence goals.

What are the Pillars of Recovery?

When it comes to addiction recovery, there are varying views on the number of pillars upon which such recovery depends. Instead of getting involved in a debate over which number is correct, the more important concern should be how comprehensive such lists are. Do they cover all the basic requirements for recovery? If so, it doesn’t matter if they’re condensed into four pillars or expanded into five or seven or any other number. If you or your loved one is beginning recovery from addiction, or if you are researching it for the benefit of a friend or just for general interest, it’s a good idea to have a firm grasp of what evidence-based research says makes for effective recovery.

West Virginia Found to Have Highest Rate of Prescription Drug Use

Several national studies have documented the growing surge of prescription drug abuse that has exploded in recent years. In a more precise regional study, the health care information company SDI Health LLC has found West Virginia to be home to the highest rate of prescription drug use in the United States. 

Increasing Alcohol Tax Could Lower Rate of Alcohol-Related Deaths

Numerous studies have already proven that increasing taxes on alcohol products directly influences the population’s level of alcohol consumption. Now, researchers from the University of Florida, Gainesville’s Department of Epidemiology and Health Policy Research, College of Medicine have discovered that increasing the alcohol tax is also linked with reducing alcohol-related deaths.

Stop Stressing about Your Addictive Past

If you are an addict now in early recovery, you know all too well that there are good days and bad days – and some that threaten to derail your new-found sobriety. Sometimes you just can’t help yourself. You obsess over what you did in the worst days of your addiction, how you hurt people, the damage you’ve done to your reputation, how you ruined your relationships with people you love and care about, how you lost everything you have – including your self-respect. Stress is like an ever-present cloud that follows you around and the worst part is the stress you impose upon yourself. Listen up. You need to stop stressing about your addictive past and move forward in your recovery.

Majority of Emergency Department Visits for Underage Drinking Are Males

Although the underage drinking laws in the U.S. have helped decrease the number of drunk-driving accidents by adolescents and young adults since the 1970s, they still have not prevented teens from consuming alcohol in high numbers and engaging in risky behavior. According to a new report by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), alcohol remains the number one abused substance among adolescents and young adults ages 12–20 that lands them in the hospital emergency department, with the majority of visits made by males.

Meth Treatment Admissions Decrease in Mexico and U.S.

A new study, one of the first to examine the geographical patterns of drug distribution and purity across a country, found that voluntary admissions to treatment facilities for methamphetamine abuse within the coterminous United States and Mexico had decreased in recent years. Although the other illicit substances examined did not reveal a similar decline (including cocaine and heroin), researchers are attributing the decline in methamphetamine admissions to the Mexican government’s effort to combat the manufacture of methamphetamine within the country.

Memory-Boosting Drug Reduces Drug Cues for Cocaine Addicts

An anxiety medication known as D-cycloserine may be able to help suppress cravings and the possibility of relapse in cocaine addicts. According to a new study by researchers at Yale University, the anti-anxiety medication combined with cognitive behavioral therapy in cocaine addicts has the potential to help addicts resist drug consumption when faced with drug-taking cues, even when outside of rehabilitation treatment.